La Secuela (The Sequel)

So…I have been advised by a friend and counsel that I must “deal” (my words) with Keith a second and perhaps third time in order to avoid the “hoe label” and return to being seen as the “cool chick”. In my mind, deep down to the pits of my soul, from the top of my Pituitary Gland and the bottom of my Medulla Oblangata,  I am screaming “Noooooooo”. He made some valid points; If you have sex with someone one time, they could just see you and say “oh yeah, I hit that” or “she’s just a l’il hoe”. Also sometimes the “first time” can be bad or awkward, because of nervousness, etc. It’s not just about having sex one or two more times, it’s about going out and hanging with him like on a buddy basis, and maybe throw in a little sex for good measure . I’ve never been approached with this situation before however I’ve made my decision on what I’m going to do. I’d like to hear some feedback from you. What do YOU think I’m going to do and what made you come up with YOUR prediction?

(By the way, after looking at a picture of Scarface, I think Keith looks more like Tony Montana than Ray Romano…Yikes!)

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Salida Rápida (Quick Exit, Non-Fuego)

As you know “Randy”, is I am affectionately called, is usually on the Latin scene. Unfortunately I’m going to have to take a little hiatus until I figure out what TF to do about a little situation.

Wanna know what happened??? Of course you do….

Well…I went to two Latin spots and I ran into a guy I met on the scene that I haven’t seen in awhile. I only know him as Keith, a Colombian man in his late 30’s. He has a very strong accent and also looks much older than his age. I guess you could say he looks like a poor man’s Ray Romano. He’s always very social and it seems like his goal is to buy me as many drinks as possible and talk my head off. He doesn’t really like to dance. Sometimes he comes with a friend thats a pretty good dancer and I dance with him too. He always says “I’m not a dancer, I’m an engineer”. I usually state “What does THAT have to do with anything?” AND of course he replies back with his rebuttal… Not in a mean spirited away though. Usually when we dance he’s constantly spinning me, while holding a drink in the other hand. If he could he would probably hold a cigarette in that same hand…SMH. By the way I really dislike smoking but he’s fun so I usually go outside with him for him to take a smoke. I tend to risk my lung health for people that interest me. Maybe one day I’ll get a medal for it who knows…

Since we were at a cigar bar, we went to the side where guests smoke . We sat down and chatted as usual. Even though the act and smell of smoking grosses me out, I could smell his cologne through the “smokescreen” and it smelled really nice. This night he had his cigarettes on the table. He said he just bought the box the day before. Dayum regular Marlboros! I noticed half of them were gone. I told him that I really don’t like smoking and he should probably quit. He said he can quit anytime. I took his box of cigarettes from him and ask if I could throw them in the garbage and he said “Okay, I quit for you”. I took the remaining cigarettes and tore them in half, put them back in the box and threw ’em in the garbage can. That was easy….

We left out afterwards. We were in the parking lot . He was like “Let’s hang out some more; I can get a room or you can come to my place.” I said let’s get a room” (because the likelihood of getting kill’t is significantly lower…You know, in case he wanted to murder a bitch lol). I don’t know, I figured maybe we could chill… At 2 a.m. in the morning… I have just only chilled in a hotel room before… I can see y’all right now,  rolling your eyes while you’re reading this. SMH!

We talked for awhile and then we wound up having sex. I wasn’t drunk or anything so I knew exactly what I was doing. I was conducting an experiment. I wanted to try a Hispanic man out. I didn’t like this one..NOT fuego at all.I wouldn’t say that ruined it for any other Hispanic guys since this particular experience was not appealing to me. I think it’s because he’s older lookin’ and he was smallish… I know the saying goes “It’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean”, but dammit, a little dinghy can capsize like an MF. I really don’t like to waste my “stuff”. Maybe next time I’ll aim higher, for a Mario Lopez lookin’, more endowed type and hope for the best …to close out my Experiment Files. Damn, does that sound shallow!? SMH

Sorry, I know I went out of order so let me backtrack to the “Walk of Shame” Morning After, uhhh incident…

I woke up feeling awkward as hell and felt that I needed to just get out of there. I could hear him snoring loudly so I figured he was in deep REM sleep. At this moment I felt like David Copperfield because I had do a serious magic trick on his ass! I summoned my Inner Magician to get out of the bed, grab my things quickly and quietly to make a mad dash for the door without waking him. Check out time was quickly approaching… Oh man, I had to haul major ass!! I grabbed my shoes, purse, glasses and clothing however couldn’t find my underwear, so I crossed my fingers and hoped that he wouldn’t do anything crazy with them. I quietly walked toward the door and I looked in my purse to make sure I had my keys. I was able to get dressed while I “hid” in the area where the bathroom was. I quickly reached over, removed the safety latch and unlocked the deadbolt. I opened the door and hauled ass as quickly as I could in five inch platform Madden peep toe pumps! I knew the sound of the door woke him. I went straight to the elevator and did not look back. I got in my car and I hauled the most major level of ass-hauling I’ve ever the done in my life!

I could smell his cologne and smoke in my hair and on me. I could not wait to take a shower!! I didn’t realize until I got a text from him at about noon that I forgot my charger. I guess he’s holding on to it for me. Don’t worry Buddy because I’m not going to try to link up with you to get my charger; I’m trying to avoid you! Not your fault you did nothing wrong…Sometimes you just gotta go… So now I’ll be in hiatus mode. Now that I know which two spots he could be, I’ll just avoid them for a little bit. If I see him I’ll judge his demeanor and if he wants to speak I’ll speak and be “normal”. If he acts weird I’ll just will ignore him. He seems to be a mature guy so I’m assuming that he will at least say “Hello” when he sees me…Time will tell…

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Cuban Culo, NOT Papi Chulo (En Inglés: “Cuban A$$hole”)

Well as you may know,  I have been into the “Latin Scene”, due to my newfound passion for Latin dancing… I’ve been approached by guys of different ethnicities to dance,  mainly Latin guys, and because I’m not rude I usually  oblige ;-). I’ve been “collecting” numbers here and there but 1 one really caught my attention.

One nite, I came out to dance as usual. There’s one guy (James, who happens to be Chocolate) in particular that I really enjoy dancing with such that we text each other often, to meet up to dance. I show up to the club  before him and a guy of Hispanic descent came over and asked you to dance. I usually don’t refuse dances, (the more the merrier), however I wasn’t so eager to..He had pull me out… Once I started dancing with him I noticed that he was really good and he was very cute. So afterwards we sit at the bar he officer buy me a drink. Now usually I love partaking in Adult Beverages, but for some reason when I
go out Latin dancing I’m more into drinking water than drinking alcohol. He bought me a water, I’m sipping and then suddenly to my left appears my usual Chocolate dance partner. I felt very awkward because I had to socialize with the both of them and dance with the both of them. I kinda felt like they were in silent competition never spoke to one another.

So when the Chocolate guy was dancing with someone else, the Hispanic guy gave me his name and number. I planned to link up again with “Jay” again soon.  I danced with the Chocolate guy a couple more times ,we chatted a bit and then parted ways.

Over the next few days I discovered he didn’t speak English too well. Yes it’s possible for me to dance a few times with a guy and he not speak much but I just thought he was the shy type. He was asking me to come out to dance and I obliged. We went to a new spot. It was  authenic as hell, meaning that there were a lot of Latino people there. I couldn’t really get into the music at first; the DJ’s spins seemed to be sporadic and influenced by Crack . While we were sitting and having drinks, he writes on a napkin his name, Javier (“Jay”, as I knew it) and he handed me the pen to do the same. Yeah, I did that. He looked at it and smiled. After a while we were doing a lot of Meringue, Bachata, and a little bit of Salsa. We left and didn’t want the night to end so we went to 1 of those 24 hour breakfast spots. He wasn’t that hungry, so he only had café. I had café
and a BLT. Our conversation was nice and light. He told me he was 30, from Cuba and had been married for 4 years. He lived in Miami for a while and came up to Jacksonville to work (truck driving) Even though there was the language barrier I was breaking out my old Spanglish words and being very patient with our conversations. I looked over at his phone and saw that it was in Spanish mode….Po’ Baby.

After we finished we still wanted to spend more time together. Since we were right by the beach, that’s where we went to. We walked for a little bit and then he said “I want to  dance with you”. I’d never danced on the beach before and it was so much fun. It was kind of romantic too…very fuego! I think we were out there an hour, but after that we had to go. He walked me to my car. We talked for a few minutes and he just gazed at me saying “You’re very beautiful”, while pushing my hair out of my face. The energy felt natural and we wound up kissing and seriously making out. I don’t remember for how long but after that, he said he want to see me tomorrow (perhaps for cinema or maybe more, uhhh, besos) We said bye and parted ways…

For whatever reason we didn’t link up the next day. On occasion I would have thoughts, wondering what sex would be like with a man who doesn’t speak a lot of English, especially a Latino man (wink). I wonder what do they say during? I know that sounds weird but hell, don’t judge me because some of y’all were thinking the same thing too…Anyway, later that week he called me and asked me to go out. It was Good Friday night, before Easter. I was working late and I had a long day ahead of me so I told him I could go but not stay too long. Although it was late, h said he was getting his haircut and he had to go home to take a shower after.  No biggie because I had to do the same. I was waiting on him to contact me back and I by thebtime I contacted him again it was already after 11pm. When he answer the phone he said “Not tonight bebe, I’m very tired and sleepy”. WTF??? ¿Uve-Doble Te Efe?

Needless to say, I gave this culo The Ax. Cut TF off! I ignored his texts and calls. I’m sure I’ll see him out at Latin Night and when I do he will get brushed off there too! And this is why, as the saying goes, “you don’t eat where you shit”….

Yeah I know there might be a language barrier, however I know when somebody is trying BS me.I don’t do bullshit or toro mierda, so Adios, Enemigo. Dueces en Español!!

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Things ARE bigger in Texas (First Online Writing Submission)

Good evening!

I’m enjoying writing and blogging much more than I expected. I did an online submission tonight, where I had to write an article using Peterbilt Trucks as the subject, and of course you know it has “Randy’s Touch”. I hope you enjoy it!

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One day, while driving down to Miami for a party, I experienced car trouble. Unfortunately, I didn’t have Roadside Assistance, so I stood outside my 97′ Mustang, hoping someone would come over to “rescue me”. It wasn’t long before man driving a Peterbilt Truck, pulled over to help. He seemed very knowledgeable about Mustangs, of all things. We even discussed what color I should paint my Mustang; I considered a deep, burgundy red, he preferred the “standard factory red”. His energy was so comforting, that I almost forgot about the issue at hand: fixing the damn car! We laughed about our differences in opinion and addressed the car problem. He said “There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.” I laughed and agreed. I explained that I was having trouble steering. Turns out my belt needed to be tightened. He was able to quickly work under the hood and fix the belt. His charm was absolutely infectious. He was quite the character: Tall, handsome, very “Southern” and funny.

We chatted for quite a while. He said he was from Texas. I gazed up at his tall, statuesque physique, and for a moment, I thought, “Wow, they DO, make things bigger in Texas, I see”. I said, “You better get going before I make you late and get you in trouble with the boss”. He said, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, sweetheart, my great grandaddy was Mr. T.A. Peterman, so they don’t bother me that much. I drive, because I like it, not because I have to”. He gave me a light kiss on the hand, tipped his hat and bid me adieu. I thought, “Well knock me over with a feather!”

I took his number and we parted ways. I look forward speaking with him again. You know what they say, “Peterbilt’s red oval is a familiar symbol of quality, performance, reliability and pride.” And honey, from the looks of it, they weren’t lying!

Chocolate Thai: The Addiction

Chocolate Thai; noun; A highly addictive strain of cannabis sativa, popular in the [past] 1960’s and 70’s,  however today [present] regarded as “commercial”, or not as potent…

Where do I began? This one was (is) so addictive!

I’m the beginning of Year 2 of my “Sexy-Single Phase” ( formerly “Dating Hell Phase”).. Not speaking it into existence, however, if things continue in the same direction, I will be on Year 3… It’s sort of a Double Edge Sword, although I don’t like it,  it gives you the reader more to, er, enjoy…;-)

It was Saint Patrick’s Day and I was hanging out with a good friend. Although I’m not even close to being Irish, I love to partake in the “festivities”. We went to a very eccentric part of town,  for a street party. We had a nice time and left to go to a club.. Why oh why do I keep going to these “dayum” clubs? Maybe it’s the hot guys, music and the drinks? Maybe it’s because I like to dress my best and show off my assets? I don’t know… Surprisingly I was very casual, simple hair and light makeup, a shirt-dress, fishnet hose and flat shoes. **Ladies I’m going to let you in on a little something-something that I’ve learned from other men, in case you don’t already know: Most of the time we dress up for each other. 9 times out 10, heterosexual men don’t give a crap about what we’re dressed like, they want to know what it looks like, OFF of our bodies. They respond better to us when we’re very casual. If you’re casual they think you’re the cool chick, the wifey chick actually, (unless he desires a “trophy wife” which means he prefers High Maintenance )…If you look High Maintenance, he’s going to size you up and see if you can afford you. If you dress too sexy then you’re deemed as the club chick or club slut…Hey, it is what it is….

We weren’t there that long before I was approached by a tall, dark chocolate, and handsome young man…with a beautiful smile…And you know my Kryptonite is chocolate skin and a nice smile! He was very friendly. He made sure to introduce himself to me and my friend and he also introduced us to a friend of his. He was talking a little bit about his business too and he gave me his card…Reggie Thompson. Hmmm… I can’t remember majority of our conversation due to his “fine-ness” and the potent drinks. Hey, it’s “Irish” in me…lol I can’t remember who called who first, but I definitely put that business card to use. I was definitely thinking about was “giving him the business”, but of course I wanted to get to know him first. We never “officially” went out on dates, however we did hang out a bit. Our chemistry was so great. As much as I wanted him, I would usually push away his advances because I actually liked him. You know how we have to do, ladies.. It’s great for him to want you sexually but you don’t want to look like a l’il hoe…(or heaux in French) 😉

Reggie and I  we were supposed to do a park picnic. He had a small fruit container with an assortment of strawberries, pineapples, cantaloupes, grapes and honeydew. There wa no, uh, “grape juice”, no cheese, no crackers, but we did have bottled water. He’d  never done a picnic before and didn’t know what to bring. I acknowledged his effort. He was too cute! I brought my whole picnic cooler, packed with plates trays and cups, a blanket. We found a nice secluded spot by the water where we talked, nibbled on fruit, and kissed. Between eating from the same pieces of fruit, there was a whole lot of PDA going on. I know disgusting right? LOL We didn’t want the day to end however, he had to leave to go do something with his church. And all I could think about was sinnin’…

I saw him a couple more times. Let me tell you, it was sooo hard trying to be “good” with this one. Once, there was almost a “Club Parking Lot Incident” and I ain’t talking about a club fight either! We met up again at a party, on his birthday. It wasn’t his but he was trying to celebrate early. We introduced me to his sister (and he also wanted me to meet his mom, eventually…I was like “whoa, horsey”) We briefly hung out, then we went to a restaurant to celebrate more. We decided to go to the beach. I kept a blanket in my car just for the spontaneous beach/park moments… Not like that, I know what you’re thinking…Tsk Tsk! And yes to answer your question, IT did go down that night!! *In my Rick James Voice* “Chocolate Thai is a helluva drug!!”

I enjoyed his company as much as I enjoyed him.  Although I’m not into drug use, I think Chocolate Thai is the appropriate name for him because, I just couldn’t  (can’t) seem to get enough and at times he does seem to have an “older soul” aura about himself. Our relationship was weird. We were not together like that but sometimes he acted clingy. One night, unexpectedly, he gave me “The French” (as in French kiss) in the club. Another night he went off when he saw me talking to another dude I knew at the club and accused me of having sex with the guy and I was not. At times he said he wants me to be his girl or his wife. We never officially talked about “kickin’ it” (my term for “sex & friendship” situation”, “Friends with Benefits, maybe?)  but I thought we had an “understanding” that we would just be cool, as is. I’m not sure if he just wants a “Girlfriend Experience” on occasion or what. We talked about all kinds of shit, but this is the one thing we missed thoroughly communicating in. He’s going through this phase now of “Feeling Himself”, meaning the attention he’s getting from others, is now going to his head. I liked the guy, however I don’t like his new arrogance. I’d like to see the same humble guy that I met in the club last year… Well you know what they say “Money & Fame doesn’t change people only reveals who they really are…”

Oh well, one day I’ll learn about trying to find my husband in the “dayum” Club! SMH! Pretty soon it’ll be Saint Patrick’s Day again. Maybe I’ll find a local pub, where I’ll run into a nice Irishman, or any man at this point because skin tone doesn’t matter so much. I’m at a place n my life where I’m very open, and willing to receive who The Universe sends me…Welp, Chocolate Thai withdrawals are The Pits!!!…To be continued…

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To blog, or NOT to blog?

To blog or NOT to blog?

That is the question…I find I ask myself this, DAILY. Even though writing is very therapeutic and cathartic, I actually do it mainly for you, the reader. Whether or not I know that you’re reading my blog doesn’t matter, however the fact that you’re reading is an awesome thing. It fuels me to write more. Today, I’m at post #11 and at times I feel like I’m blogging too much, too fast, but I digress! This, I do, for YOU! Enjoy!

Today I heard a blog radio talk show about relationships. The participants made quite a few valid points, such as making sure you’re ready to “receive” a relationship, while not being fully dependent on the person for happiness. They touched on a topic that really resonated with me: “If you’re a large percent “business” [minded] (over 50%, I think), then you should not be in a relationship”. Wow! I really took this to heart because I know I’m a very business minded person, such that I think I drive people away. NOT drive away in the sense of I having many enemies, but I don’t allow people to get too close to me. I’m friendly, but I still have a wall up. I’ll let you see just enough to like me, but not enough to love me. I’ve been loved before more times than I’ve loved back. At times I feel my singleness is my punishment, for allowing single-sided love into my life…I love love and I also fear it. My defense mechanisms are strong. “Submission” is possible, yet hard to obtain from me…I believe that there is someone out there for me. I cannot give up. I refuse to “Wave the White Flag”. I will not surrender, despite my plights and challenges…flaws and all!

Recently, I was talking with someone, about working hard to achieve goals and being single, simultaneously. We both agreed that it causes an imbalance. We both long for someone to be there, at home for us, at the end of a long stressful day; That “someone special to talk to who will make us be a better version of ourselves and a shoulder to lean on”. He even asked that I call him on a daily basis, and work towards being his girlfriend, no excuse me his wife…again! He says he loves me, although we never “officially” dated…(He likes to move fast, eh?!) I like him, but he’s young and there are certain things that I don’t like…which I’ll get into that later. I think I’ll just keep us “where we’re at”, for now. I don’t want to complicate things… anymore…I still have a little bit more blogging & living to do…;-)

** One more thing, in the future, I will refrain from calling my experiences “Dating Hell”…
They are my “Men-oirs”. I will govern myself accordingly! 🙂

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“Wine Mess”, not Fest

Here we go again…I’m still on Year 1 of the infamous “2 Year Dating Hell” Phase. It seems to me that many of my interactions/dates have went on during the first year. I’d say the best thing about .my misfortune is that it fuels my writing so that I can share with others for their entertainment. Consider these stories the “Rainbow after the rain storm”….Enjoy!

Ahh, yes…back to where we left off… I must warn you, this story is not has humorous as the others, so bear with me. Since I started writing it, I have to finish it… I’m not a quitter!! 🙂

I was attending a Wine Festival, for the second time with a good friend. We enjoyed the libations and chatted with quite a few people. There was an older vendor, Brad Cramden, whom we chatted with the longest. He said that he was headed out to meet some friends for dinner, and invited us to meet up afterwards. We exchanged numbers. My friend was ready to go home and I wasn’t. We parted ways and I headed out to a nearby bar, by myself.

Brad met me at the bar, after his quick dinner. We conversed for a little while and agreed to go elsewhere. He took care of the check, and we left. He definitely was not my type, physically, but he was entertaining and nice.

We went to a cigar bar lounge and had more wine. He wanted to hold my hand and kept saying  “See see how good our hands fit together”. What??? Really? Somehow we got on the subject of children and he told me about his daughter, who happened to be just a few years younger than me. Yes, that’s one hell of an age difference between us,  but for some reason I agree to go on a date with him the next day.

We met up at this restaurant at the beach. It had a nice laid back, tiki bar sort of vibe to it. I had no wine that day and I had very little appetite. The whole time I was thinking “What the hell am I doing? This man has a daughter that’s close to my age!” He could see that I was sick, but I also started to feel very awkward. He said, “What’s the matter, too much wine last night?” At this point even his voice was becoming irritating; He sounded a lot like a “cartoonish mobster”. I shrugged it off and said “No I think it must have been something I ate”. I just couldn’t “get into it”.  He was not as engaging and he seemed to be more concerned about the football game, constantly referring to plays and stats, like I gave a shit. He was from Chicago and a huge Bears fan. The date was on a Sunday and I think he secretly wanted to go to to that restaurant for the huge TVs and small crowd…to watch the “dayum” game!

After the game, we ended our night, quickly “Church Hugged”, and went our separate ways. I text him to let him know I got home safely. We never spoke again. If I ever see him again, I’ll casually speak, and hope he doesn’t remember me. Oh well so much for being open minded and trying something different… I’m wondering if “date sampling” will ever be just as good “wine sampling”. One can only hope…Here’s to “New Adventures”… I’ll drink to that!

Cheers & Salud!

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Mr. Fiasco, without the Lupe

I was still in year 1 of my “2 Year Dating Hell Phase”, when I decided to cut my hair, significantly shorter. I didn’t do it to be all “deep and symbolic”, I just wanted a change. Afterwards, it seemed as though I started to attract really tall men…Not just tall, but “NBA Tall”. I’ve never been the type to be attracted to extremely tall men, but hey I’ll try anything once, you know….

One night, I was at a local bar, alone, having a drink. An extremely tall, 6’7″ to be exact, guy came over and sparked conversation with me. I guess you could say he was “Pecan Tan” (because CARAMEL has been so overused in my blog I think Google is going to start charging me for usage!). He had a low haircut and dark rimmed glasses. He was like a young tree, that I wouldn’t mind climbing. He sort of looked like a slightly cuter version of Lupe Fiasco (Not my typical chocolate suave/debonair type, however I find him attractive). We exchanged numbers and he walked me to my car. He lived downtown, so he said he was walking home . Side note: He did have car keys, so I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m allergic to men in my city without cars.

We talked on the phone for a few days. The conversations were light, but good. I was surprised that for him to be so cute and innocent seeming, he was actually a probation officer, Brandon Jameson. He wanted to take me out, but the timing was bad. He was set to go home to New York, for over a week, to see his family for the holidays.

During his long drive home, he called me a few times and we had a nice conversations. By the way, I am a sucker for a New York accent, by the way! Sometimes I’ll just ask random shit, just to hear ’em talk. Although he was looking forward to seeing his family, he was really looking forward to seeing me when he got back. We chatted off & on until he made his way back Down South.

Fast forward, he’s back in town and now comes the “Date Plan”. He wanted us to have a sushi dinner. He had a habit of watching (stalking my Facebook pictures, and following my random Twitter thoughts) my social media profiles. One picture in particular, caught his eye. I decided to wear the outfit,  but switch it up a little bit, just for him. And put on some 5″ platform heels, just to accentuate my legs, and get closer to him. 😉

We arrived at the restaurant and he looked really nice. He had that debonair, NYC style dress code, “Photo Shoot Fresh” and damn, I wish I had a Nikon camera!  He looked fresh out of a Giorgio Armani window:  Pea Coat, Scarf, Nice Boots, Jeans. A well dressed man is a such turn on!

We chatted more and I was surprised how enlightened and intelligent he was. I hate to say it but normally, with younger man, I expect only a tight body, not a deep mind..Hey, an “old girl” like myself will take a peek…while I still have decent vision…Anyway, we finished up, then left.

He wanted to go to the club, downstairs. Normally I don’t like clubs, but I went for him. He bought drinks and by the end of the night, I had 3 drinks total and he only had 2, dark liquor, plus the beer from the sushi restaurant. He seemed okay, at first…

He started to become more loose and very affectionate. He kissed me a couple times. His lips felt soft like cotton pillows. I love “the touch, the feel of cotton”. It is indeed the “fabric of my life”. He was dancing a lot too. I don’t know why, but I have a funny feeling about really tall people dancing… I’m tempted to call 911 because it seems dangerous… I made an exception since we were having a ourselves good time…

We decided to leave and by then my 5 inch platform heels were getting the best of me. I asked him to “carry” me to the car. He picked me up, then he fell and dropped me! I was mad but I laughed it off…By now he appeared tipsy and he wanted to go out for breakfast….Hindsight is 20/20 now but…I decided to drive us to breakfast…

We get there and order our food. I was looking at him and his whole “Northerner style”, trying to stay focused. I quickly went into Focus Mode when I noticed he stopped talking back to me…I look over and this fool was asleep!! WTF??

I’m like “Brandon, Brandon, wake up, wake up” for a few minutes. I sat beside him, pinching him, and gently stabbing him with a fork. This fool was knocked out…AND snoring AND slobbering! WTF½ & a half!??? I asked the guy from the couple next to us to help. He couldn’t get him to wake up either. I said if he doesn’t get up please help me take him to the car. My phone was dead so I was trying to use his, so that I could call a friend of mine to come help. His phone was locked, and I was getting more irritated! I asked a waitress to bring some cold water. As soon as she brings over the cold water, he snaps out of it! Ohhhh, so now you want to snap out of it? Ol’ selective ass!

We go to check out and he was being an ass. He didn’t even tip the girl. I felt bad because I had no cash on me and I wanted to tip her badly! I apologized profusely & we left. I drove him home and he asked me to come up! I am completely out of WTF’s! Fool, don’t nobody want your drunk ass dick!!!! Ugh! I said goodbye and left him. I arrived home and realized he left his glasses in my car which meant that I had to see this fool again!!

I called the next day and kept the conversation very basic: “I have your glasses”…blah blah yadda yadda… I was nice enough to offer to swing by with his glasses  because I was going downtown that night. He was cool with that…

Later on I get a barrage of about 4 long drawn out “prepared” looking texts stating that he got a blood & urine test…Yes that’s right on a Saturday! He said he barely remembered the night before and he knew he got way too drunk off of a few drinks so he decided to do a test to “see”. He said that there was ketamine in his system. I’m not going to call him a liar, but who in the eff do you know gets drug tested on a Saturday?? After that convo I did not speak to him again. I’m slightly disgruntled because I wanted to do a “test study” experiment to see what the big deal was about having sex with a very tall man. Oh well…too bad the roots of that “tree” were faulty! I’m not worried, I’m sure there’ll be another “tree” to come along, for me to climb. I may run into a “Sequoia” one day. And when I do, I shall climb that one, with 5 inch platforms on. 😉

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