To blog or NOT to blog?
That is the question…I find I ask myself this, DAILY. Even though writing is very therapeutic and cathartic, I actually do it mainly for you, the reader. Whether or not I know that you’re reading my blog doesn’t matter, however the fact that you’re reading is an awesome thing. It fuels me to write more. Today, I’m at post #11 and at times I feel like I’m blogging too much, too fast, but I digress! This, I do, for YOU! Enjoy!
Today I heard a blog radio talk show about relationships. The participants made quite a few valid points, such as making sure you’re ready to “receive” a relationship, while not being fully dependent on the person for happiness. They touched on a topic that really resonated with me: “If you’re a large percent “business” [minded] (over 50%, I think), then you should not be in a relationship”. Wow! I really took this to heart because I know I’m a very business minded person, such that I think I drive people away. NOT drive away in the sense of I having many enemies, but I don’t allow people to get too close to me. I’m friendly, but I still have a wall up. I’ll let you see just enough to like me, but not enough to love me. I’ve been loved before more times than I’ve loved back. At times I feel my singleness is my punishment, for allowing single-sided love into my life…I love love and I also fear it. My defense mechanisms are strong. “Submission” is possible, yet hard to obtain from me…I believe that there is someone out there for me. I cannot give up. I refuse to “Wave the White Flag”. I will not surrender, despite my plights and challenges…flaws and all!
Recently, I was talking with someone, about working hard to achieve goals and being single, simultaneously. We both agreed that it causes an imbalance. We both long for someone to be there, at home for us, at the end of a long stressful day; That “someone special to talk to who will make us be a better version of ourselves and a shoulder to lean on”. He even asked that I call him on a daily basis, and work towards being his girlfriend, no excuse me his wife…again! He says he loves me, although we never “officially” dated…(He likes to move fast, eh?!) I like him, but he’s young and there are certain things that I don’t like…which I’ll get into that later. I think I’ll just keep us “where we’re at”, for now. I don’t want to complicate things… anymore…I still have a little bit more blogging & living to do…;-)
** One more thing, in the future, I will refrain from calling my experiences “Dating Hell”…
They are my “Men-oirs”. I will govern myself accordingly! 🙂