Bollywood Vino Flow…#OhNo!

Hello Peeps.  As you know, “Randy” has been on a self-inflicted hiatus…For the most part, mainly from involvement in Ratchet Activities or just plain old Tomfoolery…

So far, so good!!! And of course I have to celebrate!

It was a Friday night and I went out, solo, to my favorite Wine/Tapas Bar. What better way to unwind after work, for the night, right? I had a rough day and I just wanted to have a glass of vino and relax.

I sat the bar for a little while and unlike a “usual” night; it took awhile before any one came over to introduce themselves. A few stools down there was a Indian guy, sitting by himself. He looked as though he was headed moreso for the sports bar, than a nice wine and tapas joint.

He didn’t say anything to me at all at first… Until, in walks his “friend slash coworker”, who immediately seemed to be a “natural” social butterfly, walks up to me, introduces himself  [Rudra-Hindi for “Remover of pain”] and his friend. Not only was  he charming, he was very effin’ attractive!!! I was suprised at my attraction to him because normally I’m attracted to dark skin and/or black men. He was definitely a man of color; he was from India. He had a slight Indian accent and he was very “Americanized”. He said he lived in Detroit when he first moved to the U.S. That was very apparent because certain things that he said seemed, uhhh, “urban” [black] but in a “proper” way. He was 5 years older, somewhat grey, a shitload lot of fun and very conversational; I enjoyed his company. I also found him “Finer than a MF”.. I wanted to know more about him and see more of him…

Now his friend, on the other hand, even though he said he had been drinking since 4 p.m. (8 hours),  seemed uptight and “on edge” . He kept criticizing the uniforms of the bar staff and other things. I found him quite annoying actually, yet I remained cordial, because he was friends with the one that I had interest in….The funny thing about him is that he seemed like he was developing an interest in me…and I was, uhhhh NOT….but he definitely made sure my vino stayed topped off, and I loved that. He started talking shit about someone who was parked in  a Honda, in VIP Valet, then the starts ragging about “Some asshole on the Porshe Boxter”…Turns out it was Rudra’s whip, and he was low-key about it, which I found this quality in him, Very Sexy…

So after an hour of hanging out, Rudra wanted the three of us, plus “a friend of mine” to hang out, at the beach. My go-to homegirl was on a date, and his friend Kashtkar [Hindi for Annoying], had stormed off in a drunken daze, so we decided to go, to an exclusive beach, on our own. He drove me to my car, and I followed him.. 

Since I don’t know this mofo, I didn’t ride with him as he requested…After about 20 mins, we arrived at the beach. We took full advantage of the amazing amount of moonlight available that night.  We walked on the beach for a while; talking, laughing, gazing.  AND YES, I definitely wanted to give him the business, but I didn’t.  I remained a fuckin’ lady! We did kiss, often. I found his his kisses to be soft, sensual and sweet. I held back my tongue,  hell, we both held back…for whatever reason. He had me both physically and mentally turned on and #turnedup.  I think we held back to keep it “sweet’. He invited me to the ocean.  I obliged.  We walked in shallow waters, and he led me deeper. I didnt want to go, yet I felt safe in his presence.  The waves were starting to crash and I wanted to come in closer to shore,  he calmed my nervousness…and then…. a big ass
wave came, thew me off balance,and he fell and went underwater. I lost my favorite pair of flipflops just that fast!. Shit! Rudra wanted to go in and get them for me. I asked him not to because it was too dark and unsafe. I actually cared about him. I was feeling him and I didn’t want him to accidently drown over a pair of dayum Nike Sofsoles. I ain’t shallow! Shit!!!

We laughed it all off and walked back to our cars. We kissed a little bit more and talked a bit. Since he lived a little closer to the beach than I, so he invited me to his place to shower, and perhaps spend the night. It was after 4am. I wanted to but I didn’t want to spoil the moment.  I’m very aware that he knows his Porshe is an Instant Pussy magnet, but for me , it takes more than that.  I have higher standards now and I don’t just smash,  even when I know I can. I demand/want more.

Sidebar: I was told by one of my “advisors” that if I wanted to be a hoe, I should be very particular about where I choose the men from; I.E. don’t just choose someone at a club/bar, choose someone from say, like a library, or bookstore, etc…By the way, I’m not an Aspiring Hoe. Liberation does not make you a hoe. And I visit bookstores and libraries often, to read/buy the books, not to prowl for men…SMH

He wanted to spend Saturday AND Sunday with me, but that night, I wouldn’t make solid plans. He felt that “I wouldn’t let him have my weekend”. I will admit, he did pique my curiosity, but I chose to play the BS game, that I was taught to play “to get the man you want, you can’t be too readily available”. I waited and I called him Monday, around noon and left a message.  I don’t know what happened,  maybe the “moment” had passed,  maybe I should’ve kept true to my feelings (I really wanted to see him more & sooner. I don’t know….I won’t force it,  but I would absolutelty love to see him again. We shall see…Time will tell…Yep, I’d definitely “curry” that MF… And see what that Tantric be like… 😉 Yesssss! SMH.

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Shell Nawwwl

Greetings!! Long time, no post…

 

I’m currently on hiatus from a few things right now and DATING is one of them! My last date, in this swelteringly hot month July and it was a definite dud, however I still believe in love, faith and sane men. I certainly wish my Love Life was as hot as these Florida Summers, but I digress…Let’s get on with it, shall we?

 

It was a beautiful Summer Sunday when I went on what I now know to be my last date of my fourth POF (Plenty of Fish) Season. The “lucky guy” was JR, which he preferred over his “presidential” birth name, Jackson. He hails from “allover, mainly Florida”, as he put it…This should’ve been my sign to RUN, since the mofo couldn’t even pinpoint where he was from, among other things, which I’ll share later. He lived near Orlando, and was eager to meet me, so much so that he tried to during one of his work trips to my city, which is only a few hours away. This guy was 36, never been married and no children…Yes, this SOUNDS great to a woman like me (at least the no kids part, because I feel that some divorced men are Diamonds in the Rough), early thirty’s, never married, no kids either, but I must admit, most guys of the same description seem to be a little, shall we say, “Bat Shit Cray-Cray” or crazy as defined by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crazy) I decided to give him a shot, because he seemed decent, based on our conversations. And he also sounded (and looked, in person) older than 36…so I assumed he was mature and couth…

 

We decided to meet at a restaurant, of my choice, since he didn’t know the area well. I chose a popular, local diner, with great food and affordable pricing. Although I love me some fine dining, I’m mindful of where I chose to go, especially the first date, because I don’t want to come across as a Lunch Slut or Dinner Whore. If he chooses to take me to a high end spot, I’ll surely eat, I’m just not going to suggest it, simply because a 5 Star Personality supersedes 5 Star Dining any day with me.

 

Admittedly, I was extremely late, due to an issue too silly to discuss, even with him. I finally arrive and he’s standing outside, looking down at his phone, to compare my picture online to the real-life me, and goes “Yep, that looks like you”. Uhhh, really? Not so subtle are we, eh? I noticed as he spoke he had a tooth, that was the color of an egg-yolk. It explained why he had no pics online smiling open mouthed though…I wasn’t going to focus on that, instead I wanted to see what kind of person he was (and bad “toofus” can be fixed, just ask me, as I fixed my chipped one!)  Anyway, we briefly “Church-Hugged” and went inside the restaurant. After being seated, he complained a lot about the menu, stating that “since the restaurant is so close to the beach, I was expecting more seafood…” I was a little irritated, but I calmly stated “You should’ve asked me to pick a seafood restaurant then”… Sidebar: Ladies, if a man is having issues with something as uncomplicated as restaurant choice/genre, RUN (hell, keep gym shoes in the trunk for this..lol)! Every single (no pun intended) time I’ve had a date that began with indecision on the man’s part, the date wound up being a dud. I’m not that picky, but hell, if you can’t do a simple task like pick a restaurant/food genre, your decision making skills suck …The sole purpose is for US to INTERACT, nevermind the food! “A 5 Star Personality supersedes 5 Star Dining any day with me.” 

 

Anyway, the food arrives and I think it’s delicious. I asked him about his “personalized meal selection” of blackened salmon and cheese grits. He says it’s alright, while eating the meal faster than Usain Bolt running on steroids. WTF? We make small talk during the meal and since we both love the beach, we decided to go after our meal. I figured he can’t fuck this up…or can he? SMH

We both drove a few blocks away to park and be closer to the beach. As I walk towards him, he hands me an opened umbrella, but it wasn’t raining. What in the complete fuck? I should’ve passed on it, but he “didn’t want me to get too hot”.  Uhhh, it’s the beach, in Florida, in July…smh! I’m walking like a dayum fool, talking with him, while under my own personal USP: Umbrella SPF Protection. He looks at his phone, and blurted out “This lady gets on my God damn nerves”. Wow!! Naturally, I had to, uh, ask  “Is everything alright”? He said yes, and mumbled something about her (“a lady from the office”)…Mind you, I rarely talk about work on dates nowadays, especially in that way… He’s also making comments of how light he really is in comparison to the darkened complexion of his face and arms (mind you, I’m still darker than he). I guess it must be all of the contracting work and unprotected beach walks that keeps him, so tan, eh? But who gives a shit, so I change the subject and ask him if he has any siblings. His response, with a straight face was “Yeah, my daddy loves Pussy, I got a whole bunch of ‘em”. WTF2, squared, to the second power!!! I was taken aback and nervously stated “Wow, Ohhh kay”…

We continued to walk on the beach, he’s picking up shells and I followed suit, umbrella in one hand, shells in the other. He said he likes to “make things with ’em”. I guess he can’t let all of that Contractor talent go to waste (*eye roll*)…He suggested we get going; since I had to meet with a friend to help her with wedding duties and he had to “drive to Tampa, for a contracting meeting with his brother”. He planned to do all of that, and be back home that evening. It was 3pm, he lives 2 hours away from me and I live 3 hours away from Tampa, so you’re talking 5 hours minimum driving time. I guess he has an airplane too…Nope, no airplane, just a toilet, to put all of this bullshit in…

 

As we’re walking away from the beach, he suggests we go to get something to drink. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on an alcoholic beverage after dealing with this clown. There was a Crab Shack within walking distance so we headed there…While complaining about the 3 post structure of a beachside high rise condo, he tosses the handful of shells he picked up on the beach, onto the sidewalk/entryway….Oh, Hell Nawwwl!!! I could not believe what he just did! I asked him why did he do that, he replied, “Oh, I didn’t really like any of those anyway”.  So I guess this he is the “Catch & Release” type. In my mind, I could not wait to get that cold DRANK!!! Yikes! 

 

We walked on the deck entrance to the restaurant and as we approach the door he goes “Ah, Ah..come on let’s go, the drinks in there are going to be overpriced, and plus I got all of these contractors I gotta pay, let’s go to the convenience store”. Apparently he was looking to go get a soda, and I was looking to get a drink. I’m going to pause writing because I just died here…I’ll be back shortly…Please come to my funeral, thank you!

 

Aaaaaaargh!!!!

 

Okay, I’m back. Yes, this MF just did that and I agreed to leave and have him follow me to the store, since I know the area. By this point I was obviously having an Out-Of-Body experience, I was being way too nice considering what just happened. I should’ve cussed his ass out and/or parted ways. In disbelief, I drive off toward the nearest gas station. I thought he was following, but apparently he was not. I missed his previous calls due to my phone being on silent. As soon as I called him back he goes “Why you ain’t picking up the phone”. I reply “What? My phone was on silent, I didn’t hear it, why would I just NOT pick up the phone”. He said that he went over to McDonald’s to get a “drink” and he was going to go ahead and get on the road…(or maybe his invisible private jet, if he can scrap up some leftover pennies for jet fuel) By the way, he drove a newer Black Mercedes Benz. Maybe a downgrade in vehicle could free up some spare dating change, eh? But I digress…

 

He said that he really enjoyed meeting me and he looked forward to seeing me again. I said thank for taking me out, have a safe trip. Now you know, I obviously did not want to see his “Bat Shit Cray-Cray” ass ever again, in life or death…lol He called and texted me a few times over the next few days after our hellacious date, however I did not respond. At this point, I’m so glad that I deactivated my POF account before I met him and that I closed out this dating season with another experience for the books. I’ll admit, It’s been an interesting ride, Randy’s is done with the “BS Bus”. It’s time to get FOCUSED, and quit looking for HIM. The final story remains unwritten, however I will return with a few more past tales soon. See you later, Sweets! Smooches!!!

 

 

 

 

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Cuban Culo, NOT Papi Chulo (En Inglés: “Cuban A$$hole”)

Well as you may know,  I have been into the “Latin Scene”, due to my newfound passion for Latin dancing… I’ve been approached by guys of different ethnicities to dance,  mainly Latin guys, and because I’m not rude I usually  oblige ;-). I’ve been “collecting” numbers here and there but 1 one really caught my attention.

One nite, I came out to dance as usual. There’s one guy (James, who happens to be Chocolate) in particular that I really enjoy dancing with such that we text each other often, to meet up to dance. I show up to the club  before him and a guy of Hispanic descent came over and asked you to dance. I usually don’t refuse dances, (the more the merrier), however I wasn’t so eager to..He had pull me out… Once I started dancing with him I noticed that he was really good and he was very cute. So afterwards we sit at the bar he officer buy me a drink. Now usually I love partaking in Adult Beverages, but for some reason when I
go out Latin dancing I’m more into drinking water than drinking alcohol. He bought me a water, I’m sipping and then suddenly to my left appears my usual Chocolate dance partner. I felt very awkward because I had to socialize with the both of them and dance with the both of them. I kinda felt like they were in silent competition never spoke to one another.

So when the Chocolate guy was dancing with someone else, the Hispanic guy gave me his name and number. I planned to link up again with “Jay” again soon.  I danced with the Chocolate guy a couple more times ,we chatted a bit and then parted ways.

Over the next few days I discovered he didn’t speak English too well. Yes it’s possible for me to dance a few times with a guy and he not speak much but I just thought he was the shy type. He was asking me to come out to dance and I obliged. We went to a new spot. It was  authenic as hell, meaning that there were a lot of Latino people there. I couldn’t really get into the music at first; the DJ’s spins seemed to be sporadic and influenced by Crack . While we were sitting and having drinks, he writes on a napkin his name, Javier (“Jay”, as I knew it) and he handed me the pen to do the same. Yeah, I did that. He looked at it and smiled. After a while we were doing a lot of Meringue, Bachata, and a little bit of Salsa. We left and didn’t want the night to end so we went to 1 of those 24 hour breakfast spots. He wasn’t that hungry, so he only had café. I had café
and a BLT. Our conversation was nice and light. He told me he was 30, from Cuba and had been married for 4 years. He lived in Miami for a while and came up to Jacksonville to work (truck driving) Even though there was the language barrier I was breaking out my old Spanglish words and being very patient with our conversations. I looked over at his phone and saw that it was in Spanish mode….Po’ Baby.

After we finished we still wanted to spend more time together. Since we were right by the beach, that’s where we went to. We walked for a little bit and then he said “I want to  dance with you”. I’d never danced on the beach before and it was so much fun. It was kind of romantic too…very fuego! I think we were out there an hour, but after that we had to go. He walked me to my car. We talked for a few minutes and he just gazed at me saying “You’re very beautiful”, while pushing my hair out of my face. The energy felt natural and we wound up kissing and seriously making out. I don’t remember for how long but after that, he said he want to see me tomorrow (perhaps for cinema or maybe more, uhhh, besos) We said bye and parted ways…

For whatever reason we didn’t link up the next day. On occasion I would have thoughts, wondering what sex would be like with a man who doesn’t speak a lot of English, especially a Latino man (wink). I wonder what do they say during? I know that sounds weird but hell, don’t judge me because some of y’all were thinking the same thing too…Anyway, later that week he called me and asked me to go out. It was Good Friday night, before Easter. I was working late and I had a long day ahead of me so I told him I could go but not stay too long. Although it was late, h said he was getting his haircut and he had to go home to take a shower after.  No biggie because I had to do the same. I was waiting on him to contact me back and I by thebtime I contacted him again it was already after 11pm. When he answer the phone he said “Not tonight bebe, I’m very tired and sleepy”. WTF??? ¿Uve-Doble Te Efe?

Needless to say, I gave this culo The Ax. Cut TF off! I ignored his texts and calls. I’m sure I’ll see him out at Latin Night and when I do he will get brushed off there too! And this is why, as the saying goes, “you don’t eat where you shit”….

Yeah I know there might be a language barrier, however I know when somebody is trying BS me.I don’t do bullshit or toro mierda, so Adios, Enemigo. Dueces en Español!!

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Chocolate Thai: The Addiction

Chocolate Thai; noun; A highly addictive strain of cannabis sativa, popular in the [past] 1960’s and 70’s,  however today [present] regarded as “commercial”, or not as potent…

Where do I began? This one was (is) so addictive!

I’m the beginning of Year 2 of my “Sexy-Single Phase” ( formerly “Dating Hell Phase”).. Not speaking it into existence, however, if things continue in the same direction, I will be on Year 3… It’s sort of a Double Edge Sword, although I don’t like it,  it gives you the reader more to, er, enjoy…;-)

It was Saint Patrick’s Day and I was hanging out with a good friend. Although I’m not even close to being Irish, I love to partake in the “festivities”. We went to a very eccentric part of town,  for a street party. We had a nice time and left to go to a club.. Why oh why do I keep going to these “dayum” clubs? Maybe it’s the hot guys, music and the drinks? Maybe it’s because I like to dress my best and show off my assets? I don’t know… Surprisingly I was very casual, simple hair and light makeup, a shirt-dress, fishnet hose and flat shoes. **Ladies I’m going to let you in on a little something-something that I’ve learned from other men, in case you don’t already know: Most of the time we dress up for each other. 9 times out 10, heterosexual men don’t give a crap about what we’re dressed like, they want to know what it looks like, OFF of our bodies. They respond better to us when we’re very casual. If you’re casual they think you’re the cool chick, the wifey chick actually, (unless he desires a “trophy wife” which means he prefers High Maintenance )…If you look High Maintenance, he’s going to size you up and see if you can afford you. If you dress too sexy then you’re deemed as the club chick or club slut…Hey, it is what it is….

We weren’t there that long before I was approached by a tall, dark chocolate, and handsome young man…with a beautiful smile…And you know my Kryptonite is chocolate skin and a nice smile! He was very friendly. He made sure to introduce himself to me and my friend and he also introduced us to a friend of his. He was talking a little bit about his business too and he gave me his card…Reggie Thompson. Hmmm… I can’t remember majority of our conversation due to his “fine-ness” and the potent drinks. Hey, it’s “Irish” in me…lol I can’t remember who called who first, but I definitely put that business card to use. I was definitely thinking about was “giving him the business”, but of course I wanted to get to know him first. We never “officially” went out on dates, however we did hang out a bit. Our chemistry was so great. As much as I wanted him, I would usually push away his advances because I actually liked him. You know how we have to do, ladies.. It’s great for him to want you sexually but you don’t want to look like a l’il hoe…(or heaux in French) 😉

Reggie and I  we were supposed to do a park picnic. He had a small fruit container with an assortment of strawberries, pineapples, cantaloupes, grapes and honeydew. There wa no, uh, “grape juice”, no cheese, no crackers, but we did have bottled water. He’d  never done a picnic before and didn’t know what to bring. I acknowledged his effort. He was too cute! I brought my whole picnic cooler, packed with plates trays and cups, a blanket. We found a nice secluded spot by the water where we talked, nibbled on fruit, and kissed. Between eating from the same pieces of fruit, there was a whole lot of PDA going on. I know disgusting right? LOL We didn’t want the day to end however, he had to leave to go do something with his church. And all I could think about was sinnin’…

I saw him a couple more times. Let me tell you, it was sooo hard trying to be “good” with this one. Once, there was almost a “Club Parking Lot Incident” and I ain’t talking about a club fight either! We met up again at a party, on his birthday. It wasn’t his but he was trying to celebrate early. We introduced me to his sister (and he also wanted me to meet his mom, eventually…I was like “whoa, horsey”) We briefly hung out, then we went to a restaurant to celebrate more. We decided to go to the beach. I kept a blanket in my car just for the spontaneous beach/park moments… Not like that, I know what you’re thinking…Tsk Tsk! And yes to answer your question, IT did go down that night!! *In my Rick James Voice* “Chocolate Thai is a helluva drug!!”

I enjoyed his company as much as I enjoyed him.  Although I’m not into drug use, I think Chocolate Thai is the appropriate name for him because, I just couldn’t  (can’t) seem to get enough and at times he does seem to have an “older soul” aura about himself. Our relationship was weird. We were not together like that but sometimes he acted clingy. One night, unexpectedly, he gave me “The French” (as in French kiss) in the club. Another night he went off when he saw me talking to another dude I knew at the club and accused me of having sex with the guy and I was not. At times he said he wants me to be his girl or his wife. We never officially talked about “kickin’ it” (my term for “sex & friendship” situation”, “Friends with Benefits, maybe?)  but I thought we had an “understanding” that we would just be cool, as is. I’m not sure if he just wants a “Girlfriend Experience” on occasion or what. We talked about all kinds of shit, but this is the one thing we missed thoroughly communicating in. He’s going through this phase now of “Feeling Himself”, meaning the attention he’s getting from others, is now going to his head. I liked the guy, however I don’t like his new arrogance. I’d like to see the same humble guy that I met in the club last year… Well you know what they say “Money & Fame doesn’t change people only reveals who they really are…”

Oh well, one day I’ll learn about trying to find my husband in the “dayum” Club! SMH! Pretty soon it’ll be Saint Patrick’s Day again. Maybe I’ll find a local pub, where I’ll run into a nice Irishman, or any man at this point because skin tone doesn’t matter so much. I’m at a place n my life where I’m very open, and willing to receive who The Universe sends me…Welp, Chocolate Thai withdrawals are The Pits!!!…To be continued…

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