Mr. Fiasco, without the Lupe

I was still in year 1 of my “2 Year Dating Hell Phase”, when I decided to cut my hair, significantly shorter. I didn’t do it to be all “deep and symbolic”, I just wanted a change. Afterwards, it seemed as though I started to attract really tall men…Not just tall, but “NBA Tall”. I’ve never been the type to be attracted to extremely tall men, but hey I’ll try anything once, you know….

One night, I was at a local bar, alone, having a drink. An extremely tall, 6’7″ to be exact, guy came over and sparked conversation with me. I guess you could say he was “Pecan Tan” (because CARAMEL has been so overused in my blog I think Google is going to start charging me for usage!). He had a low haircut and dark rimmed glasses. He was like a young tree, that I wouldn’t mind climbing. He sort of looked like a slightly cuter version of Lupe Fiasco (Not my typical chocolate suave/debonair type, however I find him attractive). We exchanged numbers and he walked me to my car. He lived downtown, so he said he was walking home . Side note: He did have car keys, so I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m allergic to men in my city without cars.

We talked on the phone for a few days. The conversations were light, but good. I was surprised that for him to be so cute and innocent seeming, he was actually a probation officer, Brandon Jameson. He wanted to take me out, but the timing was bad. He was set to go home to New York, for over a week, to see his family for the holidays.

During his long drive home, he called me a few times and we had a nice conversations. By the way, I am a sucker for a New York accent, by the way! Sometimes I’ll just ask random shit, just to hear ’em talk. Although he was looking forward to seeing his family, he was really looking forward to seeing me when he got back. We chatted off & on until he made his way back Down South.

Fast forward, he’s back in town and now comes the “Date Plan”. He wanted us to have a sushi dinner. He had a habit of watching (stalking my Facebook pictures, and following my random Twitter thoughts) my social media profiles. One picture in particular, caught his eye. I decided to wear the outfit,  but switch it up a little bit, just for him. And put on some 5″ platform heels, just to accentuate my legs, and get closer to him. 😉

We arrived at the restaurant and he looked really nice. He had that debonair, NYC style dress code, “Photo Shoot Fresh” and damn, I wish I had a Nikon camera!  He looked fresh out of a Giorgio Armani window:  Pea Coat, Scarf, Nice Boots, Jeans. A well dressed man is a such turn on!

We chatted more and I was surprised how enlightened and intelligent he was. I hate to say it but normally, with younger man, I expect only a tight body, not a deep mind..Hey, an “old girl” like myself will take a peek…while I still have decent vision…Anyway, we finished up, then left.

He wanted to go to the club, downstairs. Normally I don’t like clubs, but I went for him. He bought drinks and by the end of the night, I had 3 drinks total and he only had 2, dark liquor, plus the beer from the sushi restaurant. He seemed okay, at first…

He started to become more loose and very affectionate. He kissed me a couple times. His lips felt soft like cotton pillows. I love “the touch, the feel of cotton”. It is indeed the “fabric of my life”. He was dancing a lot too. I don’t know why, but I have a funny feeling about really tall people dancing… I’m tempted to call 911 because it seems dangerous… I made an exception since we were having a ourselves good time…

We decided to leave and by then my 5 inch platform heels were getting the best of me. I asked him to “carry” me to the car. He picked me up, then he fell and dropped me! I was mad but I laughed it off…By now he appeared tipsy and he wanted to go out for breakfast….Hindsight is 20/20 now but…I decided to drive us to breakfast…

We get there and order our food. I was looking at him and his whole “Northerner style”, trying to stay focused. I quickly went into Focus Mode when I noticed he stopped talking back to me…I look over and this fool was asleep!! WTF??

I’m like “Brandon, Brandon, wake up, wake up” for a few minutes. I sat beside him, pinching him, and gently stabbing him with a fork. This fool was knocked out…AND snoring AND slobbering! WTF½ & a half!??? I asked the guy from the couple next to us to help. He couldn’t get him to wake up either. I said if he doesn’t get up please help me take him to the car. My phone was dead so I was trying to use his, so that I could call a friend of mine to come help. His phone was locked, and I was getting more irritated! I asked a waitress to bring some cold water. As soon as she brings over the cold water, he snaps out of it! Ohhhh, so now you want to snap out of it? Ol’ selective ass!

We go to check out and he was being an ass. He didn’t even tip the girl. I felt bad because I had no cash on me and I wanted to tip her badly! I apologized profusely & we left. I drove him home and he asked me to come up! I am completely out of WTF’s! Fool, don’t nobody want your drunk ass dick!!!! Ugh! I said goodbye and left him. I arrived home and realized he left his glasses in my car which meant that I had to see this fool again!!

I called the next day and kept the conversation very basic: “I have your glasses”…blah blah yadda yadda… I was nice enough to offer to swing by with his glasses  because I was going downtown that night. He was cool with that…

Later on I get a barrage of about 4 long drawn out “prepared” looking texts stating that he got a blood & urine test…Yes that’s right on a Saturday! He said he barely remembered the night before and he knew he got way too drunk off of a few drinks so he decided to do a test to “see”. He said that there was ketamine in his system. I’m not going to call him a liar, but who in the eff do you know gets drug tested on a Saturday?? After that convo I did not speak to him again. I’m slightly disgruntled because I wanted to do a “test study” experiment to see what the big deal was about having sex with a very tall man. Oh well…too bad the roots of that “tree” were faulty! I’m not worried, I’m sure there’ll be another “tree” to come along, for me to climb. I may run into a “Sequoia” one day. And when I do, I shall climb that one, with 5 inch platforms on. 😉

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