Bollywood Vino Flow…#OhNo!

Hello Peeps.  As you know, “Randy” has been on a self-inflicted hiatus…For the most part, mainly from involvement in Ratchet Activities or just plain old Tomfoolery…

So far, so good!!! And of course I have to celebrate!

It was a Friday night and I went out, solo, to my favorite Wine/Tapas Bar. What better way to unwind after work, for the night, right? I had a rough day and I just wanted to have a glass of vino and relax.

I sat the bar for a little while and unlike a “usual” night; it took awhile before any one came over to introduce themselves. A few stools down there was a Indian guy, sitting by himself. He looked as though he was headed moreso for the sports bar, than a nice wine and tapas joint.

He didn’t say anything to me at all at first… Until, in walks his “friend slash coworker”, who immediately seemed to be a “natural” social butterfly, walks up to me, introduces himself  [Rudra-Hindi for “Remover of pain”] and his friend. Not only was  he charming, he was very effin’ attractive!!! I was suprised at my attraction to him because normally I’m attracted to dark skin and/or black men. He was definitely a man of color; he was from India. He had a slight Indian accent and he was very “Americanized”. He said he lived in Detroit when he first moved to the U.S. That was very apparent because certain things that he said seemed, uhhh, “urban” [black] but in a “proper” way. He was 5 years older, somewhat grey, a shitload lot of fun and very conversational; I enjoyed his company. I also found him “Finer than a MF”.. I wanted to know more about him and see more of him…

Now his friend, on the other hand, even though he said he had been drinking since 4 p.m. (8 hours),  seemed uptight and “on edge” . He kept criticizing the uniforms of the bar staff and other things. I found him quite annoying actually, yet I remained cordial, because he was friends with the one that I had interest in….The funny thing about him is that he seemed like he was developing an interest in me…and I was, uhhhh NOT….but he definitely made sure my vino stayed topped off, and I loved that. He started talking shit about someone who was parked in  a Honda, in VIP Valet, then the starts ragging about “Some asshole on the Porshe Boxter”…Turns out it was Rudra’s whip, and he was low-key about it, which I found this quality in him, Very Sexy…

So after an hour of hanging out, Rudra wanted the three of us, plus “a friend of mine” to hang out, at the beach. My go-to homegirl was on a date, and his friend Kashtkar [Hindi for Annoying], had stormed off in a drunken daze, so we decided to go, to an exclusive beach, on our own. He drove me to my car, and I followed him.. 

Since I don’t know this mofo, I didn’t ride with him as he requested…After about 20 mins, we arrived at the beach. We took full advantage of the amazing amount of moonlight available that night.  We walked on the beach for a while; talking, laughing, gazing.  AND YES, I definitely wanted to give him the business, but I didn’t.  I remained a fuckin’ lady! We did kiss, often. I found his his kisses to be soft, sensual and sweet. I held back my tongue,  hell, we both held back…for whatever reason. He had me both physically and mentally turned on and #turnedup.  I think we held back to keep it “sweet’. He invited me to the ocean.  I obliged.  We walked in shallow waters, and he led me deeper. I didnt want to go, yet I felt safe in his presence.  The waves were starting to crash and I wanted to come in closer to shore,  he calmed my nervousness…and then…. a big ass
wave came, thew me off balance,and he fell and went underwater. I lost my favorite pair of flipflops just that fast!. Shit! Rudra wanted to go in and get them for me. I asked him not to because it was too dark and unsafe. I actually cared about him. I was feeling him and I didn’t want him to accidently drown over a pair of dayum Nike Sofsoles. I ain’t shallow! Shit!!!

We laughed it all off and walked back to our cars. We kissed a little bit more and talked a bit. Since he lived a little closer to the beach than I, so he invited me to his place to shower, and perhaps spend the night. It was after 4am. I wanted to but I didn’t want to spoil the moment.  I’m very aware that he knows his Porshe is an Instant Pussy magnet, but for me , it takes more than that.  I have higher standards now and I don’t just smash,  even when I know I can. I demand/want more.

Sidebar: I was told by one of my “advisors” that if I wanted to be a hoe, I should be very particular about where I choose the men from; I.E. don’t just choose someone at a club/bar, choose someone from say, like a library, or bookstore, etc…By the way, I’m not an Aspiring Hoe. Liberation does not make you a hoe. And I visit bookstores and libraries often, to read/buy the books, not to prowl for men…SMH

He wanted to spend Saturday AND Sunday with me, but that night, I wouldn’t make solid plans. He felt that “I wouldn’t let him have my weekend”. I will admit, he did pique my curiosity, but I chose to play the BS game, that I was taught to play “to get the man you want, you can’t be too readily available”. I waited and I called him Monday, around noon and left a message.  I don’t know what happened,  maybe the “moment” had passed,  maybe I should’ve kept true to my feelings (I really wanted to see him more & sooner. I don’t know….I won’t force it,  but I would absolutelty love to see him again. We shall see…Time will tell…Yep, I’d definitely “curry” that MF… And see what that Tantric be like… 😉 Yesssss! SMH.



Cuban Culo, NOT Papi Chulo (En Inglés: “Cuban A$$hole”)

Well as you may know,  I have been into the “Latin Scene”, due to my newfound passion for Latin dancing… I’ve been approached by guys of different ethnicities to dance,  mainly Latin guys, and because I’m not rude I usually  oblige ;-). I’ve been “collecting” numbers here and there but 1 one really caught my attention.

One nite, I came out to dance as usual. There’s one guy (James, who happens to be Chocolate) in particular that I really enjoy dancing with such that we text each other often, to meet up to dance. I show up to the club  before him and a guy of Hispanic descent came over and asked you to dance. I usually don’t refuse dances, (the more the merrier), however I wasn’t so eager to..He had pull me out… Once I started dancing with him I noticed that he was really good and he was very cute. So afterwards we sit at the bar he officer buy me a drink. Now usually I love partaking in Adult Beverages, but for some reason when I
go out Latin dancing I’m more into drinking water than drinking alcohol. He bought me a water, I’m sipping and then suddenly to my left appears my usual Chocolate dance partner. I felt very awkward because I had to socialize with the both of them and dance with the both of them. I kinda felt like they were in silent competition never spoke to one another.

So when the Chocolate guy was dancing with someone else, the Hispanic guy gave me his name and number. I planned to link up again with “Jay” again soon.  I danced with the Chocolate guy a couple more times ,we chatted a bit and then parted ways.

Over the next few days I discovered he didn’t speak English too well. Yes it’s possible for me to dance a few times with a guy and he not speak much but I just thought he was the shy type. He was asking me to come out to dance and I obliged. We went to a new spot. It was  authenic as hell, meaning that there were a lot of Latino people there. I couldn’t really get into the music at first; the DJ’s spins seemed to be sporadic and influenced by Crack . While we were sitting and having drinks, he writes on a napkin his name, Javier (“Jay”, as I knew it) and he handed me the pen to do the same. Yeah, I did that. He looked at it and smiled. After a while we were doing a lot of Meringue, Bachata, and a little bit of Salsa. We left and didn’t want the night to end so we went to 1 of those 24 hour breakfast spots. He wasn’t that hungry, so he only had café. I had café
and a BLT. Our conversation was nice and light. He told me he was 30, from Cuba and had been married for 4 years. He lived in Miami for a while and came up to Jacksonville to work (truck driving) Even though there was the language barrier I was breaking out my old Spanglish words and being very patient with our conversations. I looked over at his phone and saw that it was in Spanish mode….Po’ Baby.

After we finished we still wanted to spend more time together. Since we were right by the beach, that’s where we went to. We walked for a little bit and then he said “I want to  dance with you”. I’d never danced on the beach before and it was so much fun. It was kind of romantic too…very fuego! I think we were out there an hour, but after that we had to go. He walked me to my car. We talked for a few minutes and he just gazed at me saying “You’re very beautiful”, while pushing my hair out of my face. The energy felt natural and we wound up kissing and seriously making out. I don’t remember for how long but after that, he said he want to see me tomorrow (perhaps for cinema or maybe more, uhhh, besos) We said bye and parted ways…

For whatever reason we didn’t link up the next day. On occasion I would have thoughts, wondering what sex would be like with a man who doesn’t speak a lot of English, especially a Latino man (wink). I wonder what do they say during? I know that sounds weird but hell, don’t judge me because some of y’all were thinking the same thing too…Anyway, later that week he called me and asked me to go out. It was Good Friday night, before Easter. I was working late and I had a long day ahead of me so I told him I could go but not stay too long. Although it was late, h said he was getting his haircut and he had to go home to take a shower after.  No biggie because I had to do the same. I was waiting on him to contact me back and I by thebtime I contacted him again it was already after 11pm. When he answer the phone he said “Not tonight bebe, I’m very tired and sleepy”. WTF??? ¿Uve-Doble Te Efe?

Needless to say, I gave this culo The Ax. Cut TF off! I ignored his texts and calls. I’m sure I’ll see him out at Latin Night and when I do he will get brushed off there too! And this is why, as the saying goes, “you don’t eat where you shit”….

Yeah I know there might be a language barrier, however I know when somebody is trying BS me.I don’t do bullshit or toro mierda, so Adios, Enemigo. Dueces en Español!!


Things ARE bigger in Texas (First Online Writing Submission)

Good evening!

I’m enjoying writing and blogging much more than I expected. I did an online submission tonight, where I had to write an article using Peterbilt Trucks as the subject, and of course you know it has “Randy’s Touch”. I hope you enjoy it!


One day, while driving down to Miami for a party, I experienced car trouble. Unfortunately, I didn’t have Roadside Assistance, so I stood outside my 97′ Mustang, hoping someone would come over to “rescue me”. It wasn’t long before man driving a Peterbilt Truck, pulled over to help. He seemed very knowledgeable about Mustangs, of all things. We even discussed what color I should paint my Mustang; I considered a deep, burgundy red, he preferred the “standard factory red”. His energy was so comforting, that I almost forgot about the issue at hand: fixing the damn car! We laughed about our differences in opinion and addressed the car problem. He said “There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.” I laughed and agreed. I explained that I was having trouble steering. Turns out my belt needed to be tightened. He was able to quickly work under the hood and fix the belt. His charm was absolutely infectious. He was quite the character: Tall, handsome, very “Southern” and funny.

We chatted for quite a while. He said he was from Texas. I gazed up at his tall, statuesque physique, and for a moment, I thought, “Wow, they DO, make things bigger in Texas, I see”. I said, “You better get going before I make you late and get you in trouble with the boss”. He said, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, sweetheart, my great grandaddy was Mr. T.A. Peterman, so they don’t bother me that much. I drive, because I like it, not because I have to”. He gave me a light kiss on the hand, tipped his hat and bid me adieu. I thought, “Well knock me over with a feather!”

I took his number and we parted ways. I look forward speaking with him again. You know what they say, “Peterbilt’s red oval is a familiar symbol of quality, performance, reliability and pride.” And honey, from the looks of it, they weren’t lying!

Mr. Fiasco, without the Lupe

I was still in year 1 of my “2 Year Dating Hell Phase”, when I decided to cut my hair, significantly shorter. I didn’t do it to be all “deep and symbolic”, I just wanted a change. Afterwards, it seemed as though I started to attract really tall men…Not just tall, but “NBA Tall”. I’ve never been the type to be attracted to extremely tall men, but hey I’ll try anything once, you know….

One night, I was at a local bar, alone, having a drink. An extremely tall, 6’7″ to be exact, guy came over and sparked conversation with me. I guess you could say he was “Pecan Tan” (because CARAMEL has been so overused in my blog I think Google is going to start charging me for usage!). He had a low haircut and dark rimmed glasses. He was like a young tree, that I wouldn’t mind climbing. He sort of looked like a slightly cuter version of Lupe Fiasco (Not my typical chocolate suave/debonair type, however I find him attractive). We exchanged numbers and he walked me to my car. He lived downtown, so he said he was walking home . Side note: He did have car keys, so I breathed a sigh of relief. I’m allergic to men in my city without cars.

We talked on the phone for a few days. The conversations were light, but good. I was surprised that for him to be so cute and innocent seeming, he was actually a probation officer, Brandon Jameson. He wanted to take me out, but the timing was bad. He was set to go home to New York, for over a week, to see his family for the holidays.

During his long drive home, he called me a few times and we had a nice conversations. By the way, I am a sucker for a New York accent, by the way! Sometimes I’ll just ask random shit, just to hear ’em talk. Although he was looking forward to seeing his family, he was really looking forward to seeing me when he got back. We chatted off & on until he made his way back Down South.

Fast forward, he’s back in town and now comes the “Date Plan”. He wanted us to have a sushi dinner. He had a habit of watching (stalking my Facebook pictures, and following my random Twitter thoughts) my social media profiles. One picture in particular, caught his eye. I decided to wear the outfit,  but switch it up a little bit, just for him. And put on some 5″ platform heels, just to accentuate my legs, and get closer to him. 😉

We arrived at the restaurant and he looked really nice. He had that debonair, NYC style dress code, “Photo Shoot Fresh” and damn, I wish I had a Nikon camera!  He looked fresh out of a Giorgio Armani window:  Pea Coat, Scarf, Nice Boots, Jeans. A well dressed man is a such turn on!

We chatted more and I was surprised how enlightened and intelligent he was. I hate to say it but normally, with younger man, I expect only a tight body, not a deep mind..Hey, an “old girl” like myself will take a peek…while I still have decent vision…Anyway, we finished up, then left.

He wanted to go to the club, downstairs. Normally I don’t like clubs, but I went for him. He bought drinks and by the end of the night, I had 3 drinks total and he only had 2, dark liquor, plus the beer from the sushi restaurant. He seemed okay, at first…

He started to become more loose and very affectionate. He kissed me a couple times. His lips felt soft like cotton pillows. I love “the touch, the feel of cotton”. It is indeed the “fabric of my life”. He was dancing a lot too. I don’t know why, but I have a funny feeling about really tall people dancing… I’m tempted to call 911 because it seems dangerous… I made an exception since we were having a ourselves good time…

We decided to leave and by then my 5 inch platform heels were getting the best of me. I asked him to “carry” me to the car. He picked me up, then he fell and dropped me! I was mad but I laughed it off…By now he appeared tipsy and he wanted to go out for breakfast….Hindsight is 20/20 now but…I decided to drive us to breakfast…

We get there and order our food. I was looking at him and his whole “Northerner style”, trying to stay focused. I quickly went into Focus Mode when I noticed he stopped talking back to me…I look over and this fool was asleep!! WTF??

I’m like “Brandon, Brandon, wake up, wake up” for a few minutes. I sat beside him, pinching him, and gently stabbing him with a fork. This fool was knocked out…AND snoring AND slobbering! WTF½ & a half!??? I asked the guy from the couple next to us to help. He couldn’t get him to wake up either. I said if he doesn’t get up please help me take him to the car. My phone was dead so I was trying to use his, so that I could call a friend of mine to come help. His phone was locked, and I was getting more irritated! I asked a waitress to bring some cold water. As soon as she brings over the cold water, he snaps out of it! Ohhhh, so now you want to snap out of it? Ol’ selective ass!

We go to check out and he was being an ass. He didn’t even tip the girl. I felt bad because I had no cash on me and I wanted to tip her badly! I apologized profusely & we left. I drove him home and he asked me to come up! I am completely out of WTF’s! Fool, don’t nobody want your drunk ass dick!!!! Ugh! I said goodbye and left him. I arrived home and realized he left his glasses in my car which meant that I had to see this fool again!!

I called the next day and kept the conversation very basic: “I have your glasses”…blah blah yadda yadda… I was nice enough to offer to swing by with his glasses  because I was going downtown that night. He was cool with that…

Later on I get a barrage of about 4 long drawn out “prepared” looking texts stating that he got a blood & urine test…Yes that’s right on a Saturday! He said he barely remembered the night before and he knew he got way too drunk off of a few drinks so he decided to do a test to “see”. He said that there was ketamine in his system. I’m not going to call him a liar, but who in the eff do you know gets drug tested on a Saturday?? After that convo I did not speak to him again. I’m slightly disgruntled because I wanted to do a “test study” experiment to see what the big deal was about having sex with a very tall man. Oh well…too bad the roots of that “tree” were faulty! I’m not worried, I’m sure there’ll be another “tree” to come along, for me to climb. I may run into a “Sequoia” one day. And when I do, I shall climb that one, with 5 inch platforms on. 😉