It’s a Celebration Bishes!

Hi Guys and Dolls! My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I just thought about someTHING. Last year on my birthday, AND the previous year, I did not GET LAID (translation: no smashy-smashy). I’ve been getting Birthday Sex since I was 17. Yes, I am a Scorpio and we usually have a high sex drive (Horny Asses! LOL) SMH! Hopefully this year, I get some on my birthday, because this is absolutely ridicKulous…To go three birthdays in a row with no dick!  It’s Dick Deprevation!


Friends, Followers & Fans, please show your support; keep me in your well wishes (I won’t say prayers; due to the subject matter being fornication  #dontjudgeme). Hope that I have a blast on my birthday. It’s been 6 months and I need some fireworks in my life. Thank you for  reading and have a good ONE…. for me. ;-)

Mazel tav!!




The Gambler (No Ace, No Spade)

The first thing I noticed about him was THE smile…I am a sucker for a beautiful set of pearly whites (although I have an unnatural obsession with beautiful teeth and I’ve been told I have a nice smile myself too)…This beautiful smile just happened to be attached to a man who worked at a gym I was joining. I found him funny & flirtatious. He had a personality that some would see as overwhelming or “extra”.  He wasn’t my usual type; he was caramel complexion and a little plump (“thick” but “smallish”?), but you’ll see here, sometimes I make “exceptions”…Anyway he set me up on a good membership plan  and eventually asked me for my phone number… so that we could hang out sometime. He was a “natural born salesman type” so you know the spiel.. I obliged…*Giggles*

We communicated back and forth, infrequently (mainly texting). He was not consistent about calling. I can’t blame the age difference (I’m a few years older) because I’ve had guys that were younger call me more frequently. I don’t sweat it when they’re like that; I just treat them as such…

Time passed and I’d see him here and there at the gym. He would come over, talk and joke with me but he eased up significantly on texting or calling. Eventually, one day he said to me “When are we going to hang out?” My response: “The ball is in your court”…

We agreed to hang out that Friday. We didn’t have any exact plans because we would be hanging after he got off work at 11pm. Normally after 12 a.m. meetups are “BootyCall-esque”, my word for something relating to Booty Call Activity, but not in this case. I could only see him this night/time because I had a 3 day work project coming up that week.

We were supposed to meet up in the gym parking lot.  That was quickly changed, by him, to meeting up at IHOP, in the parking lot. (So are we Parking Lot Pimpin’ now??) We met up at IHOP, I got in this car and then he went to the ATM. He told me he wanted to stop by a friend’s house “real quick” to gamble, and hang out a little bit. What in the entire fuck”???! I was like, okay, whatever, but in my mind I just couldn’t believe what he just said…#TwilightZone

He stopped by his friend’s house and called him about gambling. He wanted to “flip quarters” but his friend wanted to play Madden. Since they could not come to a gambling agreement, we left. We were supposed to be heading to the Pool Hall, but he had one more stop, the house of “a friend he hasn’t seen in awhile”…Okay, now it’s going on 1am. WTF² squared to the second power!!!!

We stopped at the friend’s house, the lights ARE on, yet he called the friend, and he says he’s not home. By then, I felt the need to be loud [ig’nant] in the background: “How is your friend NOT home and the lights are on?” Aaaargh! Calgon, take me away….

Finally we get to the Pool Hall. We walk in together and he walks off from me to say “What’s up” to some guys he knew. After talking to them for a few minutes, He comes back and says that one of them is related to an NFL football player. I said “Oh really, I didn’t know that because I was NOT introduced…” Now I am NOT an ugly chick, quite a few men would be proud to have me on their arms, so I don’t understand why he felt the need to just “forget” that I was there…

Finally we got to shooting pool… As usual he continued to speak sexually related talk, (His conversation became very limited.) At one point, when it was his turn, he “conveniently” turned his cell phone towards me and on the screen was a video of him masturbating… I looked at it and was grossed out, he laughed. The WTF’s are now WTF³ cubed to the third power!!!

Obviously, by then I was ready to go! Time was winding down and his friends came over and decided that they wanted to try to regain his beaten high score on the punching bag game. I said I was going to the bathroom and as I was walking I noticed that money was stacked up on a table. This fool was gambling on the punching bag game!!! WT-IDK??? I went to the bathroom, when I came out I walked towards the door to walk out, he came behind me and hit his remote to open the car door. Sooo basically he [car door unlock sound] “boop-booped” me!! At this point I am completely out of WTF’s!! I have absolutely not a single eff to give!

Soooo, we’re riding in almost complete silence with the music playing. We get back to the IHOP parking lot, I get out of the truck to walk to my car and he asked me, “So when are we gonna go out to eat?” Okay I must be slow here because this mf just asked me when are we going to go out to eat and we’re in the parking lot of IHOP!!!! I said “I’m good”. He said ,”Let me know you made it home safe”…I “Church-Hugged” him and left.

I get home, I text him “home”. He responded, “So, I guess you wasn’t feeling me tonight”. I responded “I’m just used to something different, and no I’m not a lesbian” (earlier he jokingly accused me of being a lesbian because I wasn’t so into his sexual advances/conversation).

Days later I get approached by him the gym. We have a mutual person in common, a client of mine, who is the wife of his boss at his other job. He was like “Why did you tell her what happened when we went out? You should’ve just said you didn’t have a good time and left it at that”…Lol, he doesn’t KNOW me very well because I say what I wanna say, even when it comes to clients. We have that kind of relationship. We be confidin’ n’ shit…Lol

Side Note: I’m not going into detail because this blog is already pretty long. Turns out this guy had a chick pregnant while he was pursuing me…He already has a child to (a boy, that was he told me about..

I’m not much of a gambler, but I do know in gambling, you have to “Know when to hold’em and know when to fold’em”. Needless to say, I folded that that ass! Origami style, baby!