It’s a Celebration Bishes!

Hi Guys and Dolls! My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I just thought about someTHING. Last year on my birthday, AND the previous year, I did not GET LAID (translation: no smashy-smashy). I’ve been getting Birthday Sex since I was 17. Yes, I am a Scorpio and we usually have a high sex drive (Horny A$$es! LOL) SMH! Hopefully this year, I get some on my birthday, because this is absolutely ridicKulous…To go three birthdays in a row with no d*ck!  It’s D*ck Deprevation!

Aaaaaargh!

Friends, Followers & Fans, please show your support; keep me in your well wishes (I won’t say prayers; due to the subject matter being fornication  #dontjudgeme). Hope that I have a blast on my birthday. It’s been 6 months and I need some fireworks in my life. Thank you for  reading and have a good ONE…. for me. ;-)

Mazel tav!!

 

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Bollywood Vino Flow…#OhNo!

Hello Peeps.  As you know, “Randy” has been on a self-inflicted hiatus…For the most part, mainly from involvement in Ratchet Activities or just plain old Tomfoolery…

So far, so good!!! And of course I have to celebrate!

It was a Friday night and I went out, solo, to my favorite Wine/Tapas Bar. What better way to unwind after work, for the night, right? I had a rough day and I just wanted to have a glass of vino and relax.

I sat the bar for a little while and unlike a “usual” night; it took awhile before any one came over to introduce themselves. A few stools down there was a Indian guy, sitting by himself. He looked as though he was headed moreso for the sports bar, than a nice wine and tapas joint.

He didn’t say anything to me at all at first… Until, in walks his “friend slash coworker”, who immediately seemed to be a “natural” social butterfly, walks up to me, introduces himself  [Rudra-Hindi for “Remover of pain”] and his friend. Not only was  he charming, he was very effin’ attractive!!! I was suprised at my attraction to him because normally I’m attracted to dark skin and/or black men. He was definitely a man of color; he was from India. He had a slight Indian accent and he was very “Americanized”. He said he lived in Detroit when he first moved to the U.S. That was very apparent because certain things that he said seemed, uhhh, “urban” [black] but in a “proper” way. He was 5 years older, somewhat grey, a sh*tload lot of fun and very conversational; I enjoyed his company. I also found him “Finer than a MF”.. I wanted to know more about him and see more of him…

Now his friend, on the other hand, even though he said he had been drinking since 4 p.m. (8 hours),  seemed uptight and “on edge” . He kept criticizing the uniforms of the bar staff and other things. I found him quite annoying actually, yet I remained cordial, because he was friends with the one that I had interest in….T,he funny thing about him is that he seemed like he was developing an interest in me…and I was, uhhhh NOT….but he definitely made sure my vino stayed topped off, and I loved that. He started talking shit about someone who was parked in  a Honda, in VIP Valet, then the starts ragging about “Some asshole on the Porshe Boxter”…Turns out it was Rudra’s whip, and he was low-key about it, which I found this quality in him, Very Sexy…

So after an hour of hanging out, Rudra wanted the three of us, plus “a friend of mine” to hang out, at the beach. My go-to homegirl was on a date, and his friend Kashtkar [Hindi for Annoying], had stormed off in a drunken daze, so we decided to go, to an exclusive beach, on our own. He drove me to my car, and I followed him.. 

Since I don’t know this mofo, I didn’t ride with him as he requested…After about 20 mins, we arrived at the beach. We took full advantage of the amazing amount of moonlight available that night.  We walked on the beach for a while; talking, laughing, gazing.  AND YES, I definitely wanted to give him the business, but I didn’t.  I remained a f*ckin’ lady! We did kiss, often. I found his his kisses to be soft, sensual and sweet. I held back my tongue,  hell, we both held back…for whatever reason. He had me both physically and mentally turned on and #turnedup.  I think we held back to keep it “sweet’. He invited me to the ocean.  I obliged.  We walked in shallow waters, and he led me deeper. I didnt want to go, yet I felt safe in his presence.  The waves were starting to crash and I wanted to come in closer to shore,  he calmed my nervousness…and then…. a big ass
wave came, thew me off balance,and he fell and went underwater. I lost my favorite pair of flipflops just that fast!. Shit! Rudra wanted to go in and get them for me. I asked him not to because it was too dark and unsafe. I actually cared about him. I was feeling him and I didn’t want him to accidently drown over a pair of dayum Nike Sofsoles. I ain’t shallow! Shit!!!

We laughed it all off and walked back to our cars. We kissed a little bit more and talked a bit. Since he lived a little closer to the beach than I, so he invited me to his place to shower, and perhaps spend the night. It was after 4am. I wanted to but I didn’t want to spoil the moment.  I’m very aware that he knows his Porshe is an Instant P***y magnet, but for me , it takes more than that.  I have higher standards now and I don’t just smash,  even when I know I can. I demand/want more.

Sidebar: I was told by one of my “advisors” that if I wanted to be a hoe, I should be very particular about where I choose the men from; I.E. don’t just choose someone at a club/bar, choose someone from say, like a library, or bookstore, etc…By the way, I’m not an Aspiring Hoe. Liberation does not make you a hoe. And I visit bookstores and libraries often, to read/buy the books, not to prowl for men…SMH

He wanted to spend Saturday AND Sunday with me, but that night, I wouldn’t make solid plans. He felt that “I wouldn’t let him have my weekend”. I will admit, he did pique my curiosity, but I chose to play the BS game, that I was taught to play “to get the man you want, you can’t be too readily available”. I waited and I called him Monday, around noon and left a message.  I don’t know what happened,  maybe the “moment” had passed,  maybe I should’ve kept true to my feelings (I really wanted to see him more & sooner. I don’t know….I won’t force it,  but I would absolutelty love to see him again. We shall see…Time will tell…Yep, I’d definitely “curry” that MF… And see what that Tantric be like… ;-) Yesssss! SMH.

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30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Randall Nicole May:

#StopItISay! Great #Blog

Originally posted on Bucket List Publications:

I read this post this morning and loved it! I don’t often share the work of others on the blog but this post was definitely “share-worthy”. Creating a bucket list lifestyle encompasses treating yourself right and learning from your mistakes. This post is a great reflection of those lessons.

Is there one of these that you do often? Are there several? Let’s let the good things catch up. 

Written by  Marc and Angel

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

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The World’s Top 10 Best DIY Swimming Pools

Randall Nicole May:

Summer Rachetness!

Originally posted on The top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!:

DIY Swimming Pool

DIY Swimming Pool

We all have our goals in life. And one of mine is to one day own a house and garden big enough to have my very own swimming pool in. Sure it is a big goal to have, but if I work hard enough and save long enough maybe I will get there. But it seems some people can’t be bothered with all that saving and waiting nonsense and just make their own…

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Shell Nawwwl

Greetings!! Long time, no post…

 

I’m currently on hiatus from a few things right now and DATING is one of them! My last date, in this swelteringly hot month July and it was a definite dud, however I still believe in love, faith and sane men. I certainly wish my Love Life was as hot as these Florida Summers, but I digress…Let’s get on with it, shall we?

 

It was a beautiful Summer Sunday when I went on what I now know to be my last date of my fourth POF (Plenty of Fish) Season. The “lucky guy” was JR, which he preferred over his “presidential” birth name, Jackson. He hails from “allover, mainly Florida”, as he put it…This should’ve been my sign to RUN, since the mofo couldn’t even pinpoint where he was from, among other things, which I’ll share later. He lived near Orlando, and was eager to meet me, so much so that he tried to during one of his work trips to my city, which is only a few hours away. This guy was 36, never been married and no children…Yes, this SOUNDS great to a woman like me (at least the no kids part, because I feel that some divorced men are Diamonds in the Rough), early thirty’s, never married, no kids either, but I must admit, most guys of the same description seem to be a little, shall we say, “Bat Sh*t Cray-Cray” or crazy as defined by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crazy) I decided to give him a shot, because he seemed decent, based on our conversations. And he also sounded (and looked, in person) older than 36…so I assumed he was mature and couth…

 

We decided to meet at a restaurant, of my choice, since he didn’t know the area well. I chose a popular, local diner, with great food and affordable pricing. Although I love me some fine dining, I’m mindful of where I chose to go, especially the first date, because I don’t want to come across as a Lunch Slut or Dinner Whore. If he chooses to take me to a high end spot, I’ll surely eat, I’m just not going to suggest it, simply because a 5 Star Personality supersedes 5 Star Dining any day with me.

 

Admittedly, I was extremely late, due to an issue too silly to discuss, even with him. I finally arrive and he’s standing outside, looking down at his phone, to compare my picture online to the real-life me, and goes “Yep, that looks like you”. Uhhh, really? Not so subtle are we, eh? I noticed as he spoke he had a tooth, that was the color of an egg-yolk. It explained why he had no pics online smiling open mouthed though…I wasn’t going to focus on that, instead I wanted to see what kind of person he was (and bad “toofus” can be fixed, just ask me!)  Anyway, we briefly “Church-Hugged” and went inside the restaurant. After being seated, he complained a lot about the menu, stating that “since the restaurant is so close to the beach, I was expecting more seafood…” I was a little irritated, but I calmly stated “You should’ve asked me to pick a seafood restaurant then”… Sidebar: Ladies, if a man is having issues with something as uncomplicated as restaurant choice/genre, RUN (hell, keep gym shoes in the trunk for this..lol)! Every single (no pun intended) time I’ve had a date that began with indecision on the man’s part, the date wound up being a dud. I’m not that picky, but hell, if you can’t do a simple task like pick a restaurant/food genre, your decision making skills suck …The sole purpose is for US to INTERACT, nevermind the food! “A 5 Star Personality supersedes 5 Star Dining any day with me.” 

 

Anyway, the food arrives and I think it’s delicious. I asked him about his “personalized meal selection” of blackened salmon and cheese grits. He says it’s alright, while eating the meal faster than Usain Bolt running on steroids. WTF? We make small talk during the meal and since we both love the beach, we decided to go after our meal. I figured he can’t f*ck this up…or can he? SMH

We both drove a few blocks away to park and be closer to the beach. As I walk towards him, he hands me an opened umbrella, but it wasn’t raining. What in the complete f*ck? I should’ve passed on it, but he “didn’t want me to get too hot”.  Uhhh, it’s the beach, in Florida, in July…smh! I’m walking like a dayum fool, talking with him, while under my own personal USP: Umbrella SPF Protection. He looks at his phone, and blurted out “This lady gets on my God d*mn nerves”. Wow!! Naturally, I had to, uh, ask  “Is everything alright”? He said yes, and mumbled something about her (“a lady from the office”)…Mind you, I rarely talk about work on dates nowadays, especially in that way… He’s also making comments of how light he really is in comparison to the darkened complexion of his face and arms (mind you, I’m still darker than he). I guess it must be all of the contracting work and unprotected beach walks that keeps him, so tan, eh? But who gives a sh*t, so I change the subject and ask him if he has any siblings. His response, with a straight face was “Yeah, my daddy loves P**sy, I got a whole bunch of ‘em”. WTF2, squared, to the second power!!! I was taken aback and nervously stated “Wow, Ohhh kay”…

We continued to walk on the beach, he’s picking up shells and I followed suit, umbrella in one hand, shells in the other. He said he likes to “make things with ‘em”. I guess he can’t let all of that Contractor talent go to waste (*eye roll*)…He suggested we get going; since I had to meet with a friend to help her with wedding duties and he had to “drive to Tampa, for a contracting meeting with his brother”. He planned to do all of that, and be back home that evening. It was 3pm, he lives 2 hours away from me and I live 3 hours away from Tampa, so you’re talking 5 hours minimum driving time. I guess he has an airplane too…Nope, no airplane, just a toilet, to put all of this bullsh*t in…

 

As we’re walking away from the beach, he suggests we go to get something to drink. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on an alcoholic beverage after dealing with this clown. There was a Crab Shack within walking distance so we headed there…While complaining about the 3 post structure of a beachside high rise condo, he tosses the handful of shells he picked up on the beach, onto the sidewalk/entryway….Oh, Hell Nawwwl!!! I could not believe what he just did! I asked him why did he do that, he replied, “Oh, I didn’t really like any of those anyway”.  So I guess this he is the “Catch & Release” type. In my mind, I could not wait to get that cold DRANK!!! Yikes! 

 

We walked on the deck entrance to the restaurant and as we approach the door he goes “Ah, Ah..come on let’s go, the drinks in there are going to be overpriced, and plus I got all of these contractors I gotta pay, let’s go to the convenience store”. Apparently he was looking to go get a soda, and I was looking to get a drink. I’m going to pause writing because I just died here…I’ll be back shortly…Please come to my funeral, thank you!

 

Aaaaaaargh!!!!

 

Okay, I’m back. Yes, this MF just did that and I agreed to leave and have him follow me to the store, since I know the area. By this point I was obviously having an Out-Of-Body experience, I was being way too nice considering what just happened. I should’ve cussed his ass out and/or parted ways. In disbelief, I drive off toward the nearest gas station. I thought he was following, but apparently he was not. I missed his previous calls due to my phone being on silent. As soon as I called him back he goes “Why you ain’t picking up the phone”. I reply “What? My phone was on silent, I didn’t hear it, why would I just NOT pick up the phone”. He said that he went over to McDonald’s to get a “drink” and he was going to go ahead and get on the road…(or maybe his invisible private jet, if he can scrap up some leftover pennies for jet fuel) By the way, he drove a newer Black Mercedes Benz. Maybe a downgrade in vehicle could free up some spare dating change, eh? But I digress…

 

He said that he really enjoyed meeting me and he looked forward to seeing me again. I said thank for taking me out, have a safe trip. Now you know, I obviously did not want to see his “Bat Sh*t Cray-Cray” ass ever again, in life or death…lol He called and texted me a few times over the next few days after our hellacious date, however I did not respond. At this point, I’m so glad that I deactivated my POF account before I met him and that I closed out this dating season with another experience for the books. I’ll admit, It’s been an interesting ride, Randy’s is done with the “BS Bus”. It’s time to get FOCUSED, and quit looking for HIM. The final story remains unwritten, however I will return with a few more past tales soon. See you later, Sweets! Smooches!!!

 

 

 

 

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Had a fantastic date? Now what??

Good evening! Although it may seem like I may be slightly “ratchet”, I am trying to do my best to find someone to settle down with, all the while taking advice drom some of my guy friends and other guy sources. Why??  Because we chicks don’t know sh*t, only guys really know about guys…This is not meant to offend because I know we all mean well, however, the best advice I’ve ever received about guys have been FROM actual guys! They have the actual, uhhh, “equipment”, so if you’ve got a couple QUALITY guy friends/relatives, go to them and make sure you get as much information as possible. I happened to run across an article that I would like to share with you ladies out there: Have you ever had a great date and the guy disappeared on you or never called back?  Here’s a possiblity on WHY… http://bit.ly/18aqPol

http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-07-25/guy-talk-why-you-never-heard-from-me-again-after-our-amazing-first-date/

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La Secuela (The Sequel)

So…I have been advised by a friend and counsel that I must “deal” (my words) with Keith a second and perhaps third time in order to avoid the “hoe label” and return to being seen as the “cool chick”. In my mind, deep down to the pits of my soul, from the top of my Pituitary Gland and the bottom of my Medulla Oblangata,  I am screaming “Noooooooo”. He made some valid points; If you have sex with someone one time, they could just see you and say “oh yeah, I hit that” or “she’s just a l’il hoe”. Also sometimes the “first time” can be bad or awkward, because of nervousness, etc. It’s not just about having sex one or two more times, it’s about going out and hanging with him like on a buddy basis, and maybe throw in a little sex for good measure . I’ve never been approached with this situation before however I’ve made my decision on what I’m going to do. I’d like to hear some feedback from you. What do YOU think I’m going to do and what made you come up with YOUR prediction?

(By the way, after looking at a picture of Scarface, I think Keith looks more like Tony Montana than Ray Romano…Yikes!)

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