Hey y’all!!!
Sorry for the delay in posting! I must say that I really miss hearing from you guys & dolls (mostly through texts, emails and personal messages). Although this may be a compilation my tawdry shenanigans, I do this blog for your entertainment. Thank you so much for your feedback and support. Happy Reading!
It’s 2013 and in this 30-something year of life, I decided to stay in town and celebrate the whole weekend for my favorite holiday, my birthday. My birthday landed on a Friday and I spent the day at the mall, and then chilled at home. The next day, one of my besties and I went club-hopping. Now let me just say, I do not, I repeat I do not like clubs, however, I go when I want to dress up and be seen, sip strong adult beverages while listening to music as I try to have a decent conversation, yelling over loud ass music. I’m usually enjoying the company that I’m with moreso than the “club scene” itself. It’s one of those silly things that I do “just to do”, not too often, of course.
As I walked through the club, there was one particular dude that caught my eye. He was tall, dark skinned, with a little patch of grey in the front of his low hair cut , and a great smile to boot! I don’t know what it was, maybe the fact that he was wearing a bow tie, coupled with my obsession with nice teeth/smiles… For whatever reason we just kept glancing at each other, off and on. He approached me and as soon as he opened his mouth I knew he was “Country” as hell… And I was in heaven because I love me some Country-ass men!! I’m really big on accents and I love the way that they talk, specifically Carolinas, Louisiana, Georgia, Mississippi, Tennesse, Florida….Oooh-weee! They are my guilty pleasure along with Jamaican men with accents, and men with Northern preferably New York/New Jersey accents. So of course as he talked I listened deeply, at the club, over loud ass music. Yes, Charles was from a small podunk town in South Carolina. “Cornbread fed and Country bred!” Jackpot!!! We had a short conversation but we vibed really well. We even took pictures together at the club too, it was crazy. Since my homegirl and I and we were about to go, he said he would walk me to her car. We exchanged numbers and agreed to link up later.
So once I got to my car, I called him back and we decided to meet up at IHOP. We ate and chatted. We were really into each other and I must say pretty quickly for a first time meeting. Afterward he walked me to my car and in the parking lot there was a whole lot of hugging and kissing going on. I love to kiss and Cornbread was a great kisser. It was crazy, but we ended it there and told each other goodnight. We talked everyday on the phone for a couple of weeks but we didn’t hang out much because he “left his car in SC” and I didn’t feel cool about picking him up to “take me out” somewhere, even if he’s paying; That’s just not my style…
I decided that his not having transportation, paired with drinking so much hard liquor & beer, all day, every day while being a full time college student, in his 30’s, he was not “date-able”. Maybe he would be of other good use… We had been talking on the phone for a couple of weeks and I finally went over to his place. We only talked briefly and then of course went on to kissing again. “D.T.F.” as usual, I came prepared and I was the first one to undress. And from there we went at it over an hour. Now, thinking back on it, the shit said to me in bed was hilarious. My favorite lines were, in his thick, Southern drawl was “Oooh Wee!”, “Damn guhl” and “Oh, dis yo dick, huh?” And he was so serious as he asked me THAT…LMAO! Of course the answer was an emphatic “Yeah”. I owned the Bone, signed the deed on that MF and everything!!!
In the days, after he seemed to become too attached and possessive, especially if I didn’t call him back right away. He was calling & texting me way too much. I’m not sure the term for it but it’s the male equivalent of a woman being “dickmatized”. I did come over once more, but we didn’t have sex that time. I was actually too tired to drive home from work and he lived very close to where I worked, so I asked him if I could come over and crash. I couldn’t give him any more, since he does’t “know how to act”….
Well too bad it didn’t work out, not for me but for him. He desired so much of my time and more of a relationship from me, and I didn’t want that from him. Turns out we had a mutual friend we knew personally, in common, an old shipmate of his, and she had nothing but good things to say about him, and I assumed she didn’t have the “experience” with him, that I had. After all of his calling, texting and over-possessiveness I decided to delete and block him from all social media and tell him to never call me again. He of course called a little longer, then faded out. We did briefly saw each other once more, when I passed through his neighborhood on the way somewhere else. He was so shocked to see me he was speechless, and I just waved and kept going… I had nothing more to say to him. My silence was just as golden as a delicious piece of cornbread….
The Men-oirs of Randall May 